Between those two roads.

Bismillahirrahmannirrahim
Alhamdulillah masih bernyawa sehingga hari ini
Masih Allah beri kesempatan menghirup udaranya, masih Allah pinjamkan nikmat-nikmatNya

Now, i am torn between two. Entah, tersangat complicated hidup kebelakangan ini. Saya tahu ramai lagi yang punya masalah lebih besar, punya pelbagai komplikasi mencanak di minda dan hati. Tapi biar saya kali ini, seorang gadis yang merasa sudah tiada siapa disisi saat ini, hanya Allah peteman setia, meluah apa yang terbuku di dada.

Pilihan itu, sememangnya sudah lama harus saya lakukan. Cumanya saya yang memutus untuk tidak memilih, membiar sahaja, go with the flow kata orang, Akhirnya memakan diri, sebelah datang menuntut janji, sebelah datang membawa tanggungjawab yang pasti. Jadi, sekarang memakan diri. Saya akui, saya bukanlah yang terbaik buat kedua-duanya, tetapi ya Allah beratnya keputusan ini :'(

Antara dua itu, keduanya-duanya tanggungjawab yang bukan apabila diterima boleh bersuka ria, ketawa manja, berlari-lari riang di padang penuh dadofil. Bukan, saya sangat yakin kedua-duanya penuh onak ranjau berliku. Kadang-kadang, saya sampai satu tahap terfikir untuk tidak pergi buat kedua-duanya, biar berlaku adil. How selfsih i am right?

Entahlah, tunggu jawapan istikharah, biar Dia yang tentukan :|

P/s: Hari ini genap dua minggu, terima kasih, saya hancur.

Alone

Bismillahirrahmannirrahim

Pernah tak rasa macam sorang-sorang, dalam tempat yang crowded, riuh. Rasa takde mood nk menghadap sesiapa pun. Lepas tu, baca sepotong ayat quran, boleh nangis tersedu-sedu.

Kenapa?

Sebab Allah rindu 

Pernah tak rasa takde siapa yang faham. Kalau kita cerita apa yang kita tgh rasa pun macam tak guna, buang masa. Buang tenaga.

Kenapa?

Sebab Allah rindu

Pernah tak rasa yang semua orang kat dunia ni mengecewakan. Semua. Mengecewakan tahap rasa nk jauhkan diri dari semua orang. Semua.

Kenapa?

Sebab Allah Rindu....

Kenapa bila Allah rindu Allah bagi rasa macam tu?

Sebab Allah nak kita rasa, 'Hasbunallah wani'maal wakeel', cukuplah Allah bagiku sebagai sebaik-baik pelindung. Cukuplah Dia buat kita. Cukuplah. Allah rindu nk dgr rintih hati kita.

Mungkin aku selama ni jauh dari Dia. Headshot.

jzkk

Gunung Ledang sama didaki.

Bismillahirrahmannirrahim,

Wahh, 2 updates in a week. Agak memecahkan rekod disitu :P But anyway, i'm still get excited when remembering our awesome weekend. So ada baiknya terus diupdate sebelum ia berkubur didalam draft buat selama-lamanya.

Yeah! We conquered Gunung Ledang on 16th March 2013 around 5.00 pm, weeeeee~ !

Hikers at the peak!

Us - Idzham, Naim, Syahir, Ajim, Jilan, Alif, Nisa, Ena, Nini, Azira

Tiba-tiba gambar dah sampai puncak, apakah ini syiera T.T

Oklah kita cerita dari awal, 

We all bertolak ke Gunung Ledang around 7.15 am. Perancangan utk bertolak seperti pada pkul 4.30, 5.30 dan 6.30 terpaksa dibatalkan oleh kerana macam mana awal pun sampai di kaki gunung ledang, we can only start hiking at 8.00 am because the tour guide only will arrive at 8.00 am. So, sesiapa yg merancg nk naik lebih awal dari pkul 8 pagi, sila naik gunung-gunung yg lain haha

Sesampai je disana, first thing first haruslah makan. Makan everywhereee. Kredit to the housemate yg sediakan mihun goreng pada pagi tu. One tip utk para pendaki, jika ingin memulakan pendakian, elakkan makanan yang berminyak kerana ia akan meningkatkan kadar keasidan dalam perut dan akhirnya akan muntah, pening etc etc. Tapi, jangan pulak tak makan, sia-sia jelah semangat nak mendaki tapi badan lembik akibat perut kosong. 

waktu sarapan. Ena dan nini sedang berebut sesuatu.

After that, kami register to the renjer. The fees is around RM 38.00 per person including insurance and tour guide fees. Yah i know the price is quite pricey but believe me, it's worth it. Subhanallah, the view up there, phewww~ We have to declare everything that we brought and wore on that day. Everything have to be counted. One thing missing, say hello to goodbye to your RM 50.00 deposit.

Declaring the stuff and little bit of briefing

On your mark, get set, go! 

We started the hiking at 9.00 am after the breakfast and briefing. The trail started with 600 staircase that will lead us to CP1, Bukit Semput. Sesuai sgt dengan nama, memang kesemputan terasa di checkpoint tersebut. One of our group member vomited at this checkpoint. If during hiking you feel like vomiting, let it go. Just vomit, you will feel so much better and you might hike much more faster than everyone else then :P

Nini's family day

We continue to the next checkpoint after get some rest, minum air etc etc. Overall there are 7 checkpoints. We refilled our bottle at checkpoint 3. This checkpoint is called sungai tiga segi something something rasanyalah. Subhanallah, air yg sangat sejuk, segar dan bersih. That was the first time i drank water straight away from the river, and it taste good. Itu sungai dunia tu, sungai dalam syurga nanti macam manalah agaknya ya. And the funny thing was, saya tergelincir and i went straight into the river T.T so i continued my hiking with shoes already soaked in water, nice T.T

Tuan tanah bersama roomate at sungai tiga segi

Batu Hampar, one of the toughest checkpoint

By the time we arrived at bukit botak (i'm not sure what checkpoint was that) its already late for our zuhr prayer. So we stop there and perform our solat. Few minutes after we finished our prayer, suddenly hujan lebat turun. We dont have any other option, we dont have ponco or umbrella with us so we all soaking in the rain. And I am not that creative in making baju hujan out of red plastic bag like some people do :P What a nice experience. And i remember someone once told me, hujan tu kan rahmat, kenapa perlu lari daripadanya? to the person, yeah its great to walk in the rain sambil mengingati kebesaranNya :)

Although its quite risky continuing the journey in the rain but we did it, we continue to climb until we reached the peak. Sambil menggigil because its too cold up there, dengan baju basahnya lagi, we cannot deny that we felt very satisfied and happy, or atleast i felt really really happy at that moment. only 5 minutes up there as we already late and we all were exposed to the danger of lightning strike if we stay longer. So hye puncak gunung ledang, bye puncak gunung ledang :(

The Jejakas

Para Gegadis

With our tour guide, abg Aan.

One of the view from puncak gunung ledang. Agak berkabus.

We started the journey going back at 5.00 pm and we stopped 2 times to perform our asr and maghrib prayer. Its becomes so dark after maghrib but we still have longgg way to go. With only 5 torch lights, it becomes so hard to walk faster and unfortunately i hurt my left ankle and knees. I cant saw there was a wood in front of me, i went straight to the wood, fell down and hurt my ankle. The journey going back become much more slower with an injured person. Its quite shameful, i should be very careful with my steps. Feel like slapping myself afterwards T.T We only arrived at camp base at 11.30 pm. I felt so relieved yet guilty. Alhamdulillah, journey kami untuk mentaddabur alam berjaya dan kami semua sampai dengan selamat :)

So much we learn during the journey, what most important is determination. Determination yang buatkan we all get going. Kalau fikirkan penat, habis je staircase kat bukit semput tu dah rasa semput nak balik rumah sambung tidur haha. Same goes in life, if we determine to get something, we will do everything to get it. No matter how tired, lelah, letih, putus asa we are. Begitu juga dalam perjalanan mengejar syurga, macam manapun Allah uji kita, kalau kita determine nakkan syurga Dia, kita akan redha, sabar,tempuh ujian tu dengan baik. Kita akan lakukan segalanya-galanya demi sebuah syurga abadi, kan? :)

Until here this time, toodles :)

P/s: Sneakpeek gunung dato', katanya nak daki akhir sem ni, jummss ? :)

Gunung Dato', April 2011

Kindy Teacher

Bismillahirrahmannirrahim,

Good morning student, today teacher have got something to tell you, aha :) Mood ticer tiba2 masuk.

As last semester we MMU student got a veryyy long holiday (lah sgtt) so i've decided to gain some experience working as a teacher. So here I am, as a teacher at Tadika Pemintar Taman Kerjasama. Working as a kindergarden teacher is not easy as it sound. Who says teaching ABC and 123 will be easy? Haha you should try teaching ABC and 123 to a group of student who occasionally screaming to each other, punching their friends and keep sharpening the pencil T.T

I decided to continue working there in this semester 3 because of few reasons. One, i think i got a lot of free time as my classes will be only from 8-10 everyday (only tuesday till 4 o'clock). Two, i work well under pressure. So a lot of free time will not bring good to me haha :P. Three, for the obvious reason, i have fall in love with the kids there and the job. I think i might be missing them so much if i quit after the holiday is over. 

Basically my job start from 12 to 6 o'clock. I watch the children sleep while doing some chores such as folding the towel, arrange the plates and cups, prepare food and milk for tea break, tanda buku, berangan dan sebagainya. After that the children will wake up at 3.00 pm. They will start to continue with the study. As for babies, akan diberi susu. First time in my life i make susu for babies. Haha the funny thing is, first day i work there, my hand melecur terkena air panas akibat terlampau mengikut sukatan yg diberikan. 3 oz plus 6 oz, now pakai agak2 je :P And also first time tukarkan pampers for babies, semua terbalik. I have to open back every pampers and correct it the way it should be worn.

The children there are so brilliant. ahhh sometimes they make me melting, but seometimes they really test my patience :) Hikmah bekerja dengan anak-anak kecil ni adalah belajar banyak2 bersabar dan always be careful with our words. Semoga ini juga proses tarbiyyah dalam membentuk saya menjadi seorang lebih penyabar dan sentiasa berhati-hati dalam setiap perkataan. Bekerja dengan anak-anak kecil juga membuatkan saya boleh 'mencuri' sedikit aura positif mereka, makes me always feel younger haha

Gotta go, i have to go to work, toodles, till fingers meet keyboard :)

P/s: I have very very awesome weekend. Will write about it soon enough. bye :)

Of Semester Break

Bismillahirrahmannirrahim

Its been a week of semester break dan nampaknya cuti panjang-panjang ni not as fun as we MMU-ian imagined it would be . Yeah, maybe its just me, a boring person get a boring sem break haha Teringat sewaktu minggu final and all we housemates keep saying was "bila lah nak cuti, bila lah nak cuti" and now dah cuti, i kinda hope now we still in learning week, waalaahh ayat sunggu chenta MMU ni.

Before the semester break started or i might say on the day of my last paper, we did a small gathering among the girls. Masa untuk catch up semula dengan semua kawan-kawan yang dah graduated for their diploma and all that. It was such a great meet up and yeah we did an activity called laser tag at a newly opened laser tag place at Mahkota Parade, Melaka.

Para-para sniper :)

It was unexpected plan as we planned to go to Fruit Farm at Sungai Udang and it turned out that there were no fruit at all T.T (bukan musim, naseblah). We changed our planned to Mahkota Parade and poofff we was there haha That is why i was wearing my jubah and pair of wedges while playing that game. Bayangkanlah terpaksa berlari-berlari dengan jubah and to make thing worse i was targeted by lovely (sangatt :P) housemate, Hafiezah throughout the game so i have to run somehow haha. Turn out i got the second lowest marks among them all, such a lousy sniper i am aite? This game is so much fun and we definitely will play it again sooner.  After that, makan makan and jonker walk visit with them all :)

So back to the topic, this semester break adalah masa untuk 're-charge diri'. After that hustle bustle of student life, now He gave me some time to get a rest and recharge battery yang hampir kong akibat kesibukan mengejar donia yang sementara ini, ayattt. Dan cuti seperti inilah yang menimbulkan rindu, rindu kepada usrah, kuliah, rindu tadah kitab, ahh banyakk lagi rindu. Betullah as people say we will start appreciate thing when they are gone. Pehh sungguh betul ayat itu, masa learning week kemain lagi syaitonn menghasut suruh malas pegi usrah etc etc sekarang dah rinduu :') Jiwa yang tak terisi dengan tarbiyyah pasti akan keluh kesah kan? 

Tapi, as battery, kalau charge lamaaaa sangat, nanti meletup, so saya tak nak lah so called 're-charge diri' terlampau lama, takut-takut nanti jadi malas pulak :) so Alhamdulillah, i've found a job as kindergarden teacher weeee >< Today is my first day and i've been through it smoothly alhamdulillah. Ahhh the cute faces, their voices, their chubby cheeks rasa macam nak peluk-peluk sorang-sorang. I have to teach pendidikan islam, bahasa arab and also mathematics. I am still not yet start with the teaching today so we will see how it goes when i become the teacher. The headmistress say i must be a lil bit garang to the children, haha but seeing their cute faces it might be a little hard, nevermind insyaAllah i will manage :) My initial plan to become tutor for SPM student is not working because my dad get transferred to another school. Yeah, Allah knows which suits me better :)

So, till fingers meet the keyboard. InsyaAllah i will write about my journey as a kindergarden teacher :)

jzkk

p/s: Rindu.

Serabut.

Serabut Otak. Heh.

Ayahanda Beta

Playlist main lagu, tangan ligat menulis, assignment punya angkara.

Lagu Fynn Jamal - Biar tiba-tiba mengganti lagu lagu lagha yang aku dengar sebelumnya.

Diam, kelu, rasa mahu nangis lagi. Dua hari aku jadi cengeng, menangis tiap kali teringat mak abah. Cengeng bukan. Hati tisu. Entah kenapa aku terlampau sakit-rumah (read: homesick) minggu ini. Ada yang kata, rumah sekangkang kera je dari kampus, baliklah, apa susah. Dari kau duduk melalak. Mungkin perubahan hormon wanita 21 tahun buat hati aku jadi terlampau tisu. Sukar untuk dibuat pilihan, bilamana kita terpaksa mengorbankan rindu demi sebuah tanggungjawab. Aku relakan, aku pujukkan dengan 'nanti mak abah juga yang dapat sahamnya, akhirat sana insyaAllah mak abah juga senyum bahagia'

Lagu Fynn Jamal- Biar masuk verse kedua.

Buat aku teringat rumah lagi, buat aku teringat kenapa aku rindu sangat wajah-wajah di rumah itu.
Lagu Biar, kisah seorang anak buat bapanya. Ya, wajah garang itu aku sangat rindu.

Biar kali ini aku cerita kenapa aku rindu sangat kepada dia, ayahanda beta.

Bapa itu, bapa yang cukup sabar dengan bermacam-macam kerenah puteri sulungnya ini. Kerana kesabarannya itu kini aku berlari, mengecap apa yang aku ingin kecapi. Terkadang terlupa, jika tiada dia, tidak mungkin aku sebahagia ini. Terima kasih tuhan kurnia bapa seperti dia. Mengenangkan betapa degilnya aku dahulu, aku sendiri menjadi kagum. Dia tak pernah pergi. Pelbagai aku minta, ucap terima kasih kadang aku lupa.

"dia tak pernah bilang apa yang mengcengkam jiwa usangnya, biar, katanya biar"

Pernah suatu ketika, dia jatuh sakit. Dalam kesakitan dia, masih memandu sehingga ke Melaka. Katanya, 'abah nak tengok along'. Katanya rindu. Memandu sambil memegang dadanya yang rasa seperti ditikam-tikam. Setiap kali telefon bertanyakan khabar, abah pasti jawab 'abah sihat, tiada apa yang perlu dirisaukan'. Mujur mak jadi tempat memberitahu.Mata itu tidak akan pernah dapat membohongi aku, betapa banyaknya telah dia berkorban.

Aku bahagia, aku bahagia ada bapa seperti dia. Biar tak terbayar nilai pengorbanan dia. InsyaAllah akan aku usahakan. Moga Allah ampunkan dosa-dosaku terhadap bapa, ayahanda aku, kekasih pertama aku.

Ok, nangis lagi. Cengeng.

jzkk